Reflections On My Faith & Beliefs

{Please read the following in its entirety & reserve your judgements until the end}

Today I realized why my church hasn't helped me resolve my belief, or lack thereof, in Christianity. It's because it always sounds like propaganda. There is no rationality, they just shove it down my throat and expect me to believe everything they say (which I just can't do). For instance about two months ago, our missionary leader gave us a sermon on "the state of things." It was the most intolerant, unfounded, scare tactic-ie thing that I've ever heard. He concluded with:

"I fear that someday the bells of Islam will tell our children when to wake up. I don't know if Americans will be able to worship the one true savior in the future. In order to protect our children we must spread the message across the world, so please donate, for the children. All of today's proceeds will go towards protecting your future children."

When I go to rational/not propagandistic religious retreats like Big Stuff, I feel like I get closer to finding an end to my sojourn, but then I hear some crappy, off-the-wall sermon, and I'm walking again.

To clarify, I am not an atheist, and I do care (so I'm not agnostic), but at the moment, I am very confused.

I really just need to read the bible in its entirety ; organized religion just seems to get in the way of the truth.

And some interesting food for thought:
http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2008/07/intolerant-christians.html

The above is my primary reason for opposing evangelism, I 100% support SHOWING JESUS to those who are unaware, HOWEVER, advancing Christianity at the expense of another religion is wrong, period.

Religion is a belief, not a fact, and therefore you cannot disparage someone else's religion, as yours cannot be PROVEN to be better, merely speculated to be as such.

I do consider myself a Christian, and I do try to improve my understanding of Christianity everyday, however that does not mean that I am not critical of it and every other idea that I encounter. Nothing is above reason and justice, especially not religious intollerance.

A Salam Aleikum